Monday, October 15, 2012

Bros at Halloween

someone quite awesome who lives in my basement reminded me that I haven't been blogging lately. well here ya go. this made me chuckle for a good 10 seconds. enjoy.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

At last, actual NEWS

***monologue inside my head***
deep breath... don't write slanderous comments on the internet that can be read by anybody... preserve your professional identity... don't call the people who you may see again some day stupid, bandwagon jumping, intellectually stunted, atrocities of humanity. They will likely take unkindly to these remarks. Instead, use general language and positive words... deep breath... now go.
***monologue ends***

The social media campaign du jour is the popular Kony2012. Of course, unless you live under a rock (in which case, power to you) you already know this. You have felt the social pressure to repost, retweet, and profess your support for the 30 minute video that has swept our nation. If you are like the handful of incredibly intelligent, wonderful people I have the honour of calling my best friends, you heard about the campaign, hit up the google, read between the lines, thoughtfully questioned the information, and created your own independent opinion on the issue. You then texted your friends to share, re-evaluate, and discuss like an adult. For you handful- I love you. Never change.

Now, for the rest of you that don't fit in my hand (and therefore are not part of my loving handful) I will use my available hand to smack you collectively on the side of your head... which like any good blogger means a few verbal lashings coupled with a point in the right direction.

I would like to highlight 2 key points that for some reason our society has forgot to teach you. Side note- shame on society.

1) Awareness does not equal Action. It can be a precursor for action, but it unto itself is not action. In fact, the bloggers of "Stuff White People Like" may have said it best and therefore I will point you in their direction. Awareness- Stuff White People Like
If you are moved by the story, you have an obligation to society to action it.
Options- find a charity to donate to (but for gosh sakes people, research the bloody charity first... READ THEIR BUDGET BREAKDOWN. More on this later.) OR support a government or government official who is in the position to make real change. Romeo Dallaire is an interesting Canadian making a real difference on this issue. And he has been well before Kony2012 captivated the country. Read up on him. Support him.

2) A good cause does not a good company make. All should approach investing in a cause with the same level of cautiousness that you would an investment in a company. Imagine a company that provides necessary and life-dependent resources to hospitals, emergency response personnel, schools, universities, and military projects. The company provides these services and resources unbiasedly allowing open access to their products at a well-regulated market price. Do you want to support this company? Well, yes. Who would say no to supporting a company that helps children, the needy, and all who ask for help? Buy stocks now, right? This description fits almost perfectly to oil companies. All the Exxons, BPs, Totals, and Shells of the world. Still want to support them? Right.
The same hesitations, judgments, and considerations that prevent you from openly supporting big oil should also be applied to whether you support a charity. Do the ends justify the means? When the ends are related to a hot topic such as child soldiers, the examination of the means should be no less stringent, fact-driven, and consciously made than any other decision you make as a functioning adult. Don't let your support of a cause dilute you into thinking you should support the charity. Keep the cause and the charity separate and make decisions to support companies with the same level of stringency that goes into making investments. Look at the budget breakdown of "non-profits". How much money goes towards actually helping your cause versus overhead? National organizations such as the American Institute of Philanthropy have benchmarks that they hold charities to. Research your favourite organization on their website Charity Watch. A simple search of the google will help you make your decision to help a smart investment.

All this rambling to say that if the Kony2012 campaign struck a chord with you and you are motivated to help, please do. Social media is not social action unto itself. Awareness must be coupled by agency. And not all actions or charities are created equal. Make the best decision for you.

Finally- let us all celebrate that news that the conviction of Thomas Lubanga "firmly establishes the use of children in war as an international crime." If you support Kony2012 then you should be elated to learn that the international community is acting on this issue, real decisions are being made, and villainous hate-mongering humans are being brought to justice. Share this news. Share this link.

Congolese War Lord Convicted of War Crimes- New York Times

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Easy as Apple Pie

Ever find yourself half way through a task and wonder how the heck you got yourself into this mess? I found myself asking this very question making this mess- uh- pie. By following the simple steps below you as well can bake your way to the largest apple pie for 2 you have ever seen.

Start by going to the google.
Find recipe.
Ignore recipes with -complicated ingredients, complicated tools, and overly pretentious comments in the description of the product.
Print recipe.
Grocery shop.
Realize you don't know where the shortening is located (you thought it was beside the butter, but apparently beside the butter is margarine and beside that is cheese).
Say screw it and go back to the google to find a recipe with ingredients you already have.
Print this recipe.

End up with a stack of recipes that may or may not get you where you need to be.

Unpack apples.
Wonder why the same apples have 3 different stickers.
Debate opening bottle of wine to help baking.

Decide against the wine.
Wash delicious apples.
Wonder if maybe you bought too many...

Get apples naked. Well, not completely naked. Like apple lingerie.
Decide you hate peeling.

Start arduous task of slicing apples "thinly".
Seriously begin to wonder if you bought too many apples.
Who measures apples in cups?
8 apples = 8 cups?

Begin to lose interest in pie.
Remember he recently admitted that you have started snoring, but he didn't mind.
Back on track.

Cube butter.
Looks nothing like picture from recipe.
Contemplate wine again.

Discover instructions such as
"With pastry blender or 2 knives, cut in butter until in coarse crumbs with a few larger pieces."
are clearly less descriptive in practice than they are in theory.
Wonder if dough has too many larger pieces.
Realize it is the best you are going to do.

Hot damn, you can roll it.
Place in pie plate you bought while grocery shopping.
Celebrate with booty shake.

Get liberal with filling ingredients.
Confirm way too many apples have been purchased, washed, peeled, and thinly sliced.
Modify recipe to include brown sugar, not white sugar.
Wonder who would not use brown sugar.

Sigh with happiness at complete pie.
Debate creating national holiday or dubbing it a national treasure.
Complete by placing in oven.

Burn self on oven checking on pie.
Glad you were sober for the burn.
Return to the google for first-aid advice.
Call Mom for reinforcement.
Pat self on back with good arm for pie well done.

Decide what you are going to do with all the extra apples...

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dynamo Vocabulary


Where the hell were you in 2007?

Kindly invent time machine so I can use you for personal gain in my GRE vocabulary score.


P.S. No, I will no accept your current awesomeness as an excuse for your absence just 5 short years ago.

Ponderables- Michael Ondaatje

discover that you can become curious

modesty enthrals the listener

being told we are insignificant prompts us to act so

know who you are by outside imprints of yourself [looking glass self]

Steven Alan

the mens wear...
the length of pant...
the non apologetic vintage [circa WW1] theme...
the use of colour...
the shoes...

love, love, love.